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Friday, August 15, 2014

Gators Hot Spot Sweepstakes Internet Cafe in Gainesville, FL

I am not going to lie. My full time job of writing about former Pizza Huts is both low-paying, and, largely, incredibly boring. You probably have some picture in your head of a handsome, well-to-do, worldly fellow in a pinstripe suit racing from town to town as teams of yes-men with cameras quickly snap photos of UTBAPHs on command for the prestigious blog that employs them.

But that image could not be farther from the truth. In between heating Hot Pockets, I spend most of my time in the UTBAPH headquarters trying to glean relevant information from the thousands of emails that you lunatics send me about how the Pizza Huts in your towns are now Mexican Restaurants.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. There is no doubt that I have been blessed with the magnificent ability to barely make any money writing an idiotic blog. Not just anyone can get a loan based strictly upon the success of a blog. At least, that is what the guy at the bank told me when he turned down my loan request, forcing my family to move into the forest and forage for spilled M&Ms from last Halloween.

But every once in a while, something besides a Mexican restaurant makes its way into by inbox. Just recently, it came to my attention that SHADY DEALINGS WERE GOING ON IN AN UTBAPH. Dealings so shady that the police raided the place!

Now, I know that you are thinking about those overzealous police officers you keep seeing in the news, and you are wondering if they were just overreacting to something minor.

Nay, I tell you. It seems that Gators Hot Spot Sweepstakes Internet Cafe and Illegal Gambling Ring  LLC was (allegedly) UP TO NO GOOD.

It turns out that gambling on the internet is illegal. It also turns out that quitting your job and writing a stupid blog full time is not, technically, considered "gambling on the internet," despite what was listed in the "irreconcilable differences" section of some recent paperwork that I received.

So the cops found out about the illegal activity happening inside thanks to a tip from a neighbor, Adam Brewer, who runs Adam's Rib Restaurant right next door. Apparently the police seized all of the computers inside the establishment, mostly just because they had never seen high tech equipment inside an UTBAPH before.

You can read more about the raid here.

In the meantime, remember that if there is one thing that you can never trust, it is: everything in the entire state of Florida, except for our good friend William, who alerted us to this shady UTBAPH.